The Empress and Me - Farah Diba in the eyes of an exiled Iranian Filmmaker

Nahid Persson-Sarvestani, a former activist of the student branch of the Tudeh party and in the late 70s among the demonstrators against Shah Reza Pahlevi, now lives in Sweden as a film-director. In her 3 parts documentary, she interviews Farah Diba, the last empress of Iran, who now lives in exil in Paris.

part 1

part 2

part 3

Farah Diba speaks with a broken voice, and Nahid Persson, although with a politically active background, seems to be more interested in the private life of the Shahs widow. The Shahbanou, however, is a professional when it comes to any media contacts. She only repeats the details of her life with the Shah, how they first met, how Reza Pahlevi asked her to become his wife - stories, she already told too often to be published in the yellow press. Sometimes, Farah Diba tries to shift the conversation more into a political and historical context, asking Mrs. Nahid Persson-Sarvestani on which side she was on during the 1979 revolution, the communists Tudeh people, or the peoples Mudjaheddin, or the violent islamists of the Fedajin. Persson apparently fears a clear confession at this point, since the blunt anti-Shah activities she was involved in prepared the ground for the most inhuman, hypocrite and stupid regimes ever seen in recent history: the so-called "Islamic Republic of Iran". So these two woman who 35 years ago were on opposite sites of the battle line in pre-revolutionary Iran, now find them self in exile, one in Paris the other in Stockholm, and both see with bitterness their lost dreams. If the two would be ready to give up their wounded pride, maybe they would find out how much in common they had in their youth. Both were dreaming of a modern and liberal society, with secular education, open to the rest of the world, liberated woman and social and economic prosperity. But each of the two, the aristocrats and the socialist, both were wrestling for leadership in this movement. And both were loosing everything. What arose after the Shah and his family had to leave in 1979, and the Tudeh for a short moment thought their triumph is in sight, was the worst nightmare of an extreme conservative, religious, anachronistic and brutal dictatorship of uneducated and corrupt Mullahs. The people of Iran have to suffer since 34 years under a totalitarian regime, that tortures, rapes, kills everybody who is not following its islamic hypocrisis and dares to question the political regime of the mullahs with their basidj thugs. It would have been nice to see in the documentary that both, Farah Diba and Mrs. Nahid Persson-Sarvestani would finally admit that the two blocks they belonged to, the progressive Tudeh party and the Shahs court, did a historical mistake by not finding a way to cooperate and anticipate how much their dreams had in common.

Thank you, Ninelia, for pointing me to this gem of political documentation.

Red-shifted E-mails

Ghazal, Dear,

For the delay of your e-mails relative of the ones I send to you, there is this easy explanation. If I send you about one message per day, and receive from you only one in response per 2 weeks, it must have to do with your own location getting further and further away. The great astrophysicist Edwin Hubble was the first to relate the observation of a redshift (i.e. the elongation of wavelengths of the star light) with the proposed expansion of the entire universe The long intervalls of your response e-mails are an equivalent to this redshift, but maybe as a passionate car driver you are more familiar with the Doppler-Effect that is used by the traffic police to measure the speed of vehicles. In essence, its the same physical phenomenon.

In our case, the observation that daily send E-mails from me to you experience a dilation of their responses to only one every two weeks results in a calculated escape velocity of your location relative to Munich by 1440 km/h. (Woh, thats more than the speed of sound !!).

The calculation please find below.

This once again convinces me that you are an angel, which accidentally had to do an emergency stop in Munich 2 years ago, but now you are again in your other world where Angels rule and drive cars with chocolate engines.

Take Care
Michael

ELIZA - The Phantastic Answering Machine

Dear Michael,

sometimes I wonder about how much we trust in the electronic communication, that one person writes some words to another person thousands of km away, and these words are converted into a sequence of bits and rush through computer chips and are converted into electric pulses or light waves, send back and forth to satellites until they finally reach the recipient. And the recipient for some reason does not question that the words he reads in the message are nothing else but the written thoughts that his friend has hammered into the keyboard thousands of km away.
Shouldn"t we be more cautious about the messages we receive day by day ? I don"t mean the mail I receive from you, I"m always sure that they come from you, cause they have their very unique style and always contain some code-words that mark them as authentic. But my younger brother, who is studying IT technology in the 2nd course now has shown me something they are doing currently. They got the project to develop a computer program that is able to write "fake answers" to an e-mail. I don"t know how they are doing it, but the program searches for some keywords in an incomming message, and than replies with some sort of standard sentences (that are usually not very complex or intelligent) which again contain the same keywords.
So my dear brother asked me to test his program. Therefore I send him an e-mail and within some micro-seconds already got an answer:

My Dear Brother,
I send you my best wishes to persian New-Year. Did you received my present that I send you by post ? When I packed the parcel I cut my fingers with the scissors and had to put bandage on and now I can only use my left hand. I went with Shava to the mountains on Saturday, because with an injured finger the only proper thing to do is to go out for a walk in nature. We would have liked to stay there till Sunday, but I have no time because I have to prepare for the lecture at college. The students of the new curse will arrive tomorrow, and they want to be entertained properly. I hope you doing well and work hard to become the next Bill Gates or J.v.Neumann.
In love, your sister

No have a look at the answer I received instantly from his program:

"Dear Sister,
O, I did not knew there was persian New-Year. What present you send, I did not received anything. O, you cut your fingers ? Interesting, why you need the scissors for this ! Did Shava liked the mountains ? What else did you do on Saturday ? So the students will come. I hope they will have fun.

Take Care
/your brother"


And now, what you think ? Do you find that the program is doing a good job ? I know my brother was never very keen sending long letters to anybody, but at least he put his own (crazy) ideas into it. But the program that he wrote virtually only repeats what I wrote in my original message. I think it is better to carry on writing down our thoughts, even though the answers may take a bid longer.

Hope everything is fine with you, Good Night.
Ghazal

--------------------------------------------------

Ghazal my Dear,
So funny to read your experiences with your brother. Thanks god, it is just a technical project that sends you such standard and formal letters in response to a mail. The quality of a machine-based artificial intelligence was actully tested by one of the earliest and most influential computer scientist (Alan Turing) by setting up a similar device that you and your borther were using. Turing suggested, that an experimentalist should do two verbal dialogues in parallel behind two black curtains. Behind one of the curtains a human person should sit to conduct a dialogue with him, wherease behind the other curtain the artificial-intelligence machine had to be placed. If the experimentalist could not tell after a certain time where the talking machine was and where the person was, than according to A.Turing the machine has passed the criteria of having indeed artificial intelligence.
But I could imagine, that this also depends a lot on the experimentalist. Simple-minded people might get fooled very easily, they might even think that a mail-response from your brothers program comes from a real person. Other people who read and wright a lot are probably much more critical. I could imagine that you are extremely critical. I think it will not be possible for any machine to fool you. You have somethink like a seventh sense to tell what is real and what is fake.

There were several attempts among IT freaks to beat Alan Turings test. They were called Chatter-Bots and among them ELIZA was probably the most famous. ELIZA was such an artifical language dialoge program developed at MIT. The exciting thing was that it should play the role of a psychoanalyst, talking to a patient. When Weizenbaum developed ELIZA, it was the time of Flower-Power, Hippie-Music and mind-extending drugs for the young, but the elder generation discovered the healing power of psycho-therapy. I guess this was the motivation for Weizenbaum designing ELIZA as a psychatrists chatter-bot. But even though ELIZA impressed some people really a lot (they were told that the doctor has a bad flue and therefore talks to them from behind a courtain), dedicated linguists that used the Turing Test could tell that it was only a machine.

I hope you can sleep well and don"t carry on endless dialogues with a machine in your dreams.

Take Care, Ghazal,
Michael

--------------------------------------------------

Hi Michael,
a last remark before midnight: Do you know why the computer program by Weizenbaum, that could participate in seemingly meaningful dialogues, was called ELIZA ? There was the character of Eliza Dolittle, a simple, uneducated person with a very basic language in G.B.Shaws play "Pigmalion" (later in the funny musical "May Fair Lady"). Two university professors, one of them was Mr. Higgins, made a bet: Higgins promised that he will "re-educate" Eliza Dolitte with brute force, give her not just elegant clothes but also a new language. And he will guide Eliza Dolittle to a reception of the high society and nobody should recognised that before she was selling flowers on the market every day. Guess what happend ?

Take care
/ghazal

--------------------------------------------------

Hi Ghazal my Dear,

What is wrong with a girl that sells flowers all day long ?
(See, now you caught me responding to you in the answering-machine-style ;-).
I promise I wont do it again. But don"t expect me to read G.B.Shaws "Pygmalion" now to answer your question. It is already after midnight, and I have to go for a walk with our dog.


I"ll tell you tomorrow about what I think about Eliza Dolittles qualities as a chatter-bot.

Take Care, Good Night
Michael

Help request: What means "Ey Vay !"

At university I had a very good friend from Jordan. He was palestine, much younger than the rest of us physics students and extremely gifted. But he did not only had an extraordinary mathematical talent, he was also very familial with classical european music and literature. On the other hand, he had a very firm opinion about Israel, whom he completely refused the right of existence. About the last point we had a never-ending intellectual fight, whereas for most other issues, philosophy, science, values of life we felt quite similar. During the friendship with him, Ismail, I learned a lot about tolerance and that different points in some aspects of life does not has to result in a confrontation, but in fact can be a gain for both. I knew that he was muslim, praying 5 times a day, and he knew I am bloody atheist, drinking a glass of wine here and than and having sympathy for Israel.

Thanks to his permanent supply of records from west-Germany, I used to visit him to listen to some rare pieces of music. Once he brought from his shopping trips to West-Berlin Strawinskys "Le Sacre du Printemps", played by the Berlin Philharmonics. When I heard the first tunes by the oboe, with the sudden entry of the rhythm strings, I got completely struck. Maybe this day I had already a glass of wine, but together with the music I felt more and more like in one of the fairy tales of 1001 nights. Inspired by the idea of the "Sacre" I asked Ismail if he knew something about this new student, which must be from another muslim country, because she sits the whole afternoon in the state library wearing a head scarf. But I told him that even though she wears the scarf, one could see how beautiful she was and that she had the most amazing blue eyes. So I asked Ismail if he could find out her name, what he did, but only after telling me that any further intentions to meet her were very likely a waste of effort. Anyway, a few days later Ismail came to me and said "The girl you saw at the library is Samira. She is from Syria, and daughter of a high ranking Baths party leader. They are all instructed not to make any personal contacts to ordinary germans. And by the way, all of us foreign students coming to your country also had to sign an agreement in the east-german embassy, promissing that we will avoid any privat relationship to german student-mates or people on the street. So you see, even our occasional get-together to listen to music, talk about quantum-mechanics and Einsteins philosophy and to argue about middle-east politics, all this might be already illegal. What you think they will call it if you start here to court a student girl from Syria ?". In my naive understanding of friendship (and in these times friendship in the official speach of politics meant "friendship between all peace-loving nations") I just rejected his very rational arguments and the next day went to the library again and asked the girl "You are Samira, right ?". Under her scarf I almost could see how she wrinkled her brows, since it appeared that except of her name "Samira" she did not understood a single word. What I did not knew, that except of Ismail, who spoke fluently several languages and quickly made the brilliant jokes in german, most of the foreign students from rich countries had their privat translator, who sat next to them during all lectures and seminars and therefore making any attempt to learn the language of their host country superfluous. Therefore, our first conversation was very limited. Today I have to laugh about my silly idea to seduce a girl with the only arabic phrase I knew: "Salam Alejkum". But at least I could invite her to "coffee", which I was pretty sure must sound similar in arabic. She shook her head and said "Chaj", which fortunately I knew from russian, where it also means "Tea". So we went to the library buffet, which was located in the basement and had the chic of a station toilet. I could imagine that for her drinking a tea or coffee had another cultural implication, and this filthy buffet with its fuggy smelling air would hamper the last bit of delight, even of this third-class tea. Therefore I made signs to her to leave this filthy room with our cups and sit outside on the concrete stairways of the old library building.

Our conversation resembled very much the one between Robinson Crusoe and Friday: pointing to various things around us we would give them the names in our two languages. This way I learned that chestnut was "chestanub", honey is "Al Asal" and eyes are "orjoun". We probably met several times in and outside the library, and I was following Ismails warning that inviting a girl that wears a head scarf anywere else could cause a serious problem for both sides. But even the occasional encounter between the two of us on the stairway outside the library must have attracted the attention of some watchdogs from either her or my country. Somebody must have been concerned that we might find our own very individual interpretation of friendship between the nations. And they might have also kept a record of the progress we made in our conversation, which became more and more intense, but absolutely ununderstandable for any outsider, who would have tried to sneak into our talks. For our own use we had created a sort of german-english-arabic Esperanto, that to anybody else must have sounded as a completely cryptic code. But I never considered, and neither did Samira, that Ismails advise not to meet each other somewhere else than at the library for moral reasons was indeed the most foolish thing to do. Because we were sitting there like on an open display: visible for everybody who wanted to keep a record of the frequency and intensity of our short, but regular meetings. And this was perhaps seen as an open demonstration of disobedience, for two totalitarian countries a heresy much worse than would have a secret get-together been.

The security forces acted fast, silently and efficient: without any warning Samira was send home to Syria with a couple of hours notice. And since we did not had telephone, let alone e-mail or mobile in the mid 80es, she could not even say good bye. I also had forgotten to give her my address, since for us the stairway of the library was always the natural place to meet. After a couple of days not seeing her I asked Ismail if he could find out what happened to her. His legendary talent in physics has made him an admired student not only for us, but in particular for most other foreign students from middle-east countries as well. So it took him only a short talk with a guy from the syrian students group to find out that Samira was back home. The explanation was that she came to Germany only for a short summer school in aerodynamics, and this course had finished now. Funny enough, the books she always read at the library were all about high-energy nuclear physics.

Ismail with some degree of satisfaction said: "You see, I told you never try to court a girl with a head-scarf. You have to wait until somebody of her family lifts her scarf for you". When I told him, that Samira ones already shifted her scarf backward, showing with or without intention some of her chestnut-coloured, curly hair and that she might not fit into his conventional idea of a modern girl, he band backward, started laughing and said "Oh Boy". Ismails "Oh Boy" was a sort of final sentence of this short but inspiring relation to a girl with a head scarf that she was just about to lift without any help. It was like the two words "The End" on the final credits of a nice, long movie.Until recently, and still entangled in the belief that a german-english-arabic Esperanto is an easy way to bridge language-boarders I was convinced that "Oh Boy" means just "Oh Boy", a very common vocative in english with a connotation that lays somewhere between compassion and admonition.

But only recently, 24 years later, I heard again this phrase, and now it sounded more like "Ey Vay !". It was during an interview with one of the students who took part in the 2009 demonstrations in Teheran, shown in Ali Samadi Ahadis wonderful movie "The Green Wave". And here, the interview was subtitled, and I had to learn that Ismail was using the same "Ey Vay !", meaning "Oh God" when he commented my reckless idea of courting Samira. In these years in the late 80es the islamic "revolution" in Iran was just 10 years ago, and occasional reports about police forces in Teheran that would fix womans head-scarfs with pins on their head were taken as US propaganda. Caught in the memories of Samira and her rather lavish usage of her scarf I did not had enough fantasy to imagine that a few strains of hair leaking under it could provoke a violent and inhuman reaction by the police. And I could not imagine that 24 years later an iranian student would talk about much worse violence on the streets of Teheran, using the phrase "Ey Vay !" to express complete frustration and disgust.

... and this could make me mad

I guess, Ghazal, that everyone wants to know that somebody is there listening to all our questions and doubts, our sorrow when we are desperate and our jubilation when we are happy.
The desire for somebody who takes away our feeling of being alone in a universe full of mysteries was perhaps the reason why man invented god. Man wished to hear from god what the stars on the sky are made for, why the sun comes and goes every day and why it does not stay quiet instead.
What are we born for, if death is inevitable.
What is the evil in the world made for, all the deadly diseases and earth-quakes and floodings that kill thousands of innocent people every week.

In fact, none of these questions were ever answered by any religion. In contrast, most of the holy books were more concerned to forbid people asking questions at all. They called it heresy and devils work.
One of the few mythological works that permitted questions and let the reader find the answer himself was the sumerian Epic of Gilgamesh. With his attempt to find a meaning of human life and overcome death, Gilgamesh at the end realizes that there is no eternal life, and immortality can only be achieved through what we create during our life. If we achieve something great, we might get a page or a paragraph or at least a sentence in the book of the universe.
And here, the sumerian King Gilgamesh is very similar to J.W.Goethes "Dr. Faust", in that both are alone with their doubts. Like Gilgamesh has only a fried, Enkidu, so has Faust his companion Mephistopheles. But neither of the two were followers of a religious system, that could answer their questions. Johan Faust was seeking salvation in the arms of Margaret, he felt that it would be only her to appease his quarrels.

There is something between a man and a girl that can go independent of love in its conventional definition. If there is a undisputed confidence that somebody is listening to you, that takes you serious, than this person can become as important as were for the people in the past their invented and imaginary gods.

And once you think that you found somebody like this, who gives you confidence and whom you think you can address questions that others would misunderstand or laugh about, then you become more and more dependent on this very person. And the shear idea, that this person could suddenly disappear like a fata-morgana in the sky, because she did not left an address or canceled her e-mail account or changed her name for ever gives your mind a freezing shock.

......................................................................................................


okay.. why are you mad? i answer as soon as possible.
/ghazal

.....................................................................................................

Ghazal, what is wrong ?
It makes me mad that you don"t write a single word.
michael
......................................................................................................

Social Networks and Loneliness

Hi Ghazal, my Dear,

Hope you are well up, although I have not heard from you for a while. I"m afraid I might have written something confusing or unintentionally something that you felt as assaulting. We had a very emotional argument today in the institute about the value of social networks and whether each of us or even the entire institute should be present in Facebook. Some believe it is essential, to stay visible to others (but to be honest, there are science-specific social networks a lot, like PubMed or LAbome, Wikigenes and others. They are probably most efficient to meet and stay in contact with other scientist). But I agree, to be visible to the general public there is perhaps no way around Facebook. Using this, we might soon be contacted by celebrities who want to use our Cre-Lox gene targeting method to correct the shape of their nose or to get rid of their double-chin. We might also be asked by anxious people about the risk coming from all the atoms in their body. I"m seeing forward to discuss issues like those with them.
The general attitude among the people here in the lab towards facebook was pretty ambigious. IVG was absolutely in favor of it, praising its cabability to stay in contact with friends worldwide. BSB and myself were very proud to be social and very communicative folks without having long lists of Facebook friends. And there were even some, like ZB and OH who claimed that they are post-Facebook generation, i.e. they had a Facebook account but were unsatisfied with it and deleted their accounts.

I very much see a misconception of long lists of so-called "Friends" at the social networks and the value of some long-lasting and solid personal relations, some that are not just for the sunny days but on which you can also rely if you need help. Sometimes I got the impression that the social networks are weak networks, they seem to be devoid of any personal responsibility. The possibility to opt-out of a Friendship just by clicking a button makes it so much easier to avoid any commitment to people you know. I"m convinced that one should accept also difficulties in a relation, and not just choose an easy way-out. I recently heard a paraphrase by german actress, who after some personal tragedies still manages to make a very happy appearance. She said "If life gives you a box of lemons, you better ask to have salt and tequilla with it."
For you, Ghazal, I hope there wont be any lemons at all, but a lot of apples, sumac berries and oranges, not just for Norooz but for the whole year through.

TAke CAre

Michael

-------------------------------------------------

hi michael,

the three fruits you mentioned at the end of your letter are only a small selection of what is typical for persian new year. I"m going to send you my kucha-pecha presentation that I gave last year at the schneeferner-house to the other MSc students.
Facebook becomes very important if you are away from home, from your family and friends, or if you have to change home frequently. I therefore understand IVG a lot, because like myself she travelled a lot when she was student, master-student, PhD. Like her, I also used facebook a lot when I lived in London one year and last year in munich. But for me, the real relations in life where you meet people face by face are of course superior. I also found that such relationships are much more solid, and you can rely on somebody if you need help. I think you have to have a real exchange of thoughts between two persons, and a track of giving and taking to realy feel bound to somebody. In contrast, one might collect endless lists of "friends" in facebook and still be completely lonely.
I recently read an interesting study in the journal Science about Loneliness and general Health. The full paper is here.
What I found very clear, the author states that “Some people are socially isolated but they are not lonely. By contrast, some people are lonely even if they have a lot of social contacts.”
And the authors found very interesting correlations between loneliness and the risk for several diseases, including stroke, dementia and metabolic disorders. The long lasting assumption, however, that loneliness can cause cancer has been disproven in this study.
Maybe it would be an funny project to investigate, if the number of "Facebook Friends" that people have on their accounts is linked to the frequency of various diseases. Than maybe in the near future you might see a prescription from your doctor saying: "Diagnose: You have got migraine. Suggested therapy: Reduce the number of "Friends" by 50%" or "Jouvenile Diabetes type 2: Stop using the internet at all and ride the bike for 1 hour every day".

Oh boy, so much things to care about. And we are still trying to see the minuscle effects of irradiation.

Hope you are okay, take care (but don"t take the study about loneliness too personally)

/ghazal

.....................................................................................

Hi Ghzal my Dear,

Why you think I might take the study by John Cacioppo et al from Chicago about the health effects of loneliness personally ? I don"t feel lonely, not at all. If I say that I miss you, it does not mean I"m lonely. I manage very well to keep myself busy, here at the institute, at home with my family and house and the dog and playing music and reading books. But none of these activities take away the feeling that I lost something very precious when you left.
With the study design I have to check the original paper by Cacioppo et al. I would like to see how the study was done. I guess, like people always design the epidemiologic studies it was a case-control study. The problem therein is that the correlations found (as in this case between loneliness and mental illness) only shows a link between two independent observables. How one can exclude that loneliness is just coming from a gradual loss of mental fitness, and this can be a very early step of dementia. So it might equally be that the pathogenesis of dementia includes as one of the earliest symptoms loneliness.

I hope, of course, that neither you nor me and any of your friends and your family has to worry about this. It is really a very frustrating disease, since absolutely no working therapies against it (just some to reduce the symptoms).

Take Care , my Dear

Michael

Nocturnal dialog on molecular biology

8:32 p.m.

Ghazal my Dear,
Have a look at the gel. Are you happy with it ?
I promise I did not manipulate anything on it: no make-up, no hair dye, mascara, no plastic surgery. It is real, and therefore it is beautiful (just like you are).
M.
PS: RNA I"ll tell you in a moment. Stay tuned !!!!



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
8:44 p.m.

thank you for the gel!!! very kind of you. still the prop1 exon2 JF1 show a lot of bands.and is a bit weak. and the first three bands being prop1 exon1, i see two bands for each sample? or is it the primer dimers? and on the last samples on the first row (being gpx3 exon1), i see many bands or is it good because of the thick band?
on the second row gpx3 exon3- some extra bands as well. or is it okay? so i can use this for the sequencing tomorrow?

i am looking forward to hear about the rna. this is exciting i have to admit!!!

good luck! i will try to look at my thesis now. so i do something useful as well.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
9:48 p.m.

Ghazal, my Dear

So happy to have brain RNA now (one JF1 one FVB, each high concentration).
So sad to sit here alone. Nobody to celebrate with. Its boring alone, even the results are o.k.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
9:54 p.m.

michael!!!! yey!!! looks really good! im happy too! you did a great job!! so are we going to kill more mice? and then do the extracation of RNA your way?

thank you michael, for putting so much time and energy for this project.

you should go home and get some rest.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
10:06 p.m.
Ghazal dear,

On 15.09.2010 21:54, Ghazal F wrote:
> michael!!!! yey!!! looks really good! im happy too! you did a great job!! so are we going to kill more mice?

I already have thyroids from two mice each strain. I start now with the extraction. Hope of equally good results. Lets see.

> and then do the extracation of RNA your way?

Its not my way. Its the classical way (it stinks, it is more time consuming, but you see at the end works more robust).

>
> thank you michael, for putting so much time and energy for this project.

Its our project. Don"t forget what you put in it: 5 month lonely life , the people you love so far away. Nobody here to kiss you before going to bed.

>
> you should go home and get some rest.

Where is this, home ?

Take Care, my dear (and don"t you walk around on empty streets in the darkness any more).
Ghazal, I got mad if I think that something happens to you. You remember you talked about Sweden and
that raping happens there more often. Thats in fact one of the main reasons I always got a shock when I hear or read that you are going back.

Michael

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
10:56 p.m.

> I already have thyroids from two mice each strain. I start now with the
> extraction. Hope of equally good results. Lets see.
michael, we can continue tomorrow?
you are doing too much. i also want to be done with the labwork this week but dont want you to do all this and stay for so long in the lab.


> Where is this, home ?
your home, where your family is and your bed:)


> Take Care, my dear (and don"t you walk around on empty streets in the
> darkness any more). Ghazal, I got mad if I think that something happens to you. You remember
> you talked about Sweden and that raping happens there more often. Thats in fact one of the main
> reasons I always got a shock when I hear or read that you are going back.

i did not walk in the night,. it was light. i am scared to walk alone at night. and yes, i find munich as a safe place. safer than sweden. i need to walk sometimes, instead of taking bike i walk sometimes, its nice. nice feeling when you walk alone with your own thoughts.

hope u are doing well in lab and that u are going home soon...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
10:51 p.m.
On 15.09.2010 21:54, Ghazal F wrote:

> michael!!!! yey!!! looks really good! im happy too! you did a great job!! so are we going to kill more mice?
Who is going to kill mice ? You ? Maybe you first practise this on me. But be aware: You can kill me with your gun, but not the mice. If you hold a gun on me, I wont move away, cause I"ll be struck again by the glance of your eyes. Not so the mice: They can smell the danger and they run away !!

Ghazal, I got the feeling we can speak open to each other, can"t we ?

TAKE CARE

Michael
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
10:58 p.m.
noooo i am not killing anyone.
yes we can talk open.. or how do you mean
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
11:04 p.m.
Ghazal my Dear,
Just let me start the Reverse Transcription. (I do it in a PCR cycler, can be programmed to do it and after 1 hour cooles down automatically).
Then you have the cDNA tomorrow morning and can start with PCR right away.

On 15.09.2010 22:58, Ghazal F wrote:
> noooo i am not killing anyone.
> yes we can talk open.. or how do you mean

I"ll come around and tell you.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
11:09 p.m.
come around? i will sleep now also my flatmate is sleeping. so see you tomorrow. thank you again for the cdna!!!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
11:24 p.m.

On 15.09.2010 23:09, Ghazal F wrotei:
> come around? i will sleep now also my flatmate is sleeping.
I"m not going to wake up your flatmate !!
And you said you are going to work on your thesis the whole night through ?
Did the thesis made you already such tired ?

> so see you tomorrow. thank you again for the cdna!!!!
This, of course was very, very open !!!
And this is what I like you for so much.

Then good night, funny dreams, and at least you can imagine that I kissed you before going to bed.

Take Care

Michael
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
0:00 a.m.
Ghazal my dear,
Are you really already asleep ? This was a fast thesis writing !!
Hope I haven"t scared you.

Sleep well
Michael
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
0:04 a.m.
was trying to sleep. when i saw your email of what you expected of me, to write the thesis, i couldnt sleep. will try to read a bit more now...

good night
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
0:11 a.m.

Ghazal my Dear, please no no, shame on me, I didn"t ment it.
You do everything right. The night is yours. You work the whole day already. Please stop to spoil the best hours of the day with the thesis now. Sleep, please.
I"m also almost done. Don"t worry, I won"t pass by. Maybe another time, not today. It would be silly to first drive away, just to come back later.

I like you anyhow. I will always do.

Michael
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
0:20 a.m.
if you get hungry i have a sandwich in the fridge.
hope u will be done soon so u can go home..

good night

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
0:44 a.m.
Ghazal my Dear,

Sorry for the assumption that you could kill me. Your last e-mail shows how much you care about me.
I found one sandwich. Hope it is the one that you offered: It is brownish, with sliced boiled eggs on it and some letuce, right.

Please tell me it is the right one, it looks delicious.

Something I hope you are delighted (just for your intellectual satisfaction) is the next RNAs: You see they are all above 1µg and ration around 1.8.

Rapid Eye Movement

Ghazal, my Dear, how are you ?
I came back from Pathology only at 5 p.m., too late to say bye to you. Therefore the only thing for me to do was to have a last look at the transfected cells (which were nicely red) and said "see you tomorrow, my faithful friends". Of course it is much easier to say "good night" to the cells (or to the mice), because I can close the door to the incubator (or the door to the mouse-house) and with 99.9999% probability, they will be still at the same place next morning.
When I say "Bye" to you in the evening, it is different. I don"t think that you will suddenly leave Munich for Stockholm with the last flight at night,
but I always afraid that the few month with you here in Munich will suddenly appear to be an illusion, an phantasy that happend only in my mind because it was fooled by this summer-wind and the smell of the lime-trees and music.

I can only speak for myself, but I can not remember to had such a nice day as yesterday when we explored the Olympia-Area. You can call me simple-minded, because I count these few hours in an ordinary park landscape so high. But you know, Ghazal, it is not that I haven"t been to more thrilling places. I"ve seen New York and San Francisco and New Orleans and Chicago, I"ve been to Tokio and Paris and Rom and whereever one has to go. I went Skiing in the Rocky Mountains and in the Swiss Alps and had an apartment in London. I have seen the Rolling Stones and the Who and Pink Floyd and Sherley Bessey. I can say, it all was a sort of interesting and exciting perhaps. But for non of these things I could say the same as for the hours I have been together with you here in this small-town of Munich:
That my life would be so much poorer without it.

I hope that you feel the same, I"ve got the impression that you do. I think it is alright, if we both profit from it.

Sleep well, my dear

Michael

PS:: It is a great idea to do the Pecha-Kucha talk about different sleep phases. I"ll try to make a vidoe shot of our dog while she is in REM-phase.

...............................................................................................

hi michael,

im fine. hope that u are fine as well.
yes these 2 and half more months will pass by quickly, time passes by quickly in general.

i read a bit about sleep. its interesting. if i can do it its good, or otherwise i do midsummer in sweden.

have a good night.

/ghazal

................................................................................................
Ghazal my dear,

Do you also have the intense thunder and lightning up there in Unter-Schleissheim ? Do you like it ? I begin to enjoy this unbound release of power.
Unfortunatly, our dog fears thunderstorm a lot, and therefore she probably wont pose today as a REM-phase model. But I"m absolutely positive, I will catch her asleep untill Monday.

Are you alright ? Please send me short note.

Michael
................................................................................................

hi,

yes we had some thunder and rain, but its over now i think.
poor dog that is afraid.

im alright and will sleep now, good night :)
................................................................................................

Hi Ghazal,

I red your message only now, after 1 a.m. You are perhaps already in your first REM-phase. It must look amazing, since your long eyelashes for sure will emphasize the flickering eye-movement dramaticallyl. You should also place a video-camera on your bed, so you would probably got the most tremendous demonstration of human REM.
By the way, I told our dog that you feel sorry for her fearing the thunderstorm. She got much quieter right away. And since she felt very grateful to you, she agreed to show some dog"s REM. What is funny, a dog not just moves the eye rapidly, but also the whiskers and the ears. I recorded everything, so you might include it into your talk.

For the rest of the night, I wish you a nice ballance between REM and non-REM phases.

Take Care to wake up in the morning during a non-REM phase. It is much much better.

Yours Michael

Nocturnal thoughts

Hi Ghazal my Dear,

It is always difficult for me to drop you at the end of the day in front of the guesthouse and drive away, but I think it is better for you to recover. I already exploited so much of your emotions during the evening. I hope, that it was not just me who enjoyed it (very egoistically, I have to admit), but that you also liked the few hours walking around and chatting.

I hope you sleep well, my dear

Michael

......................................................................

Hi Michael,

Thank you for showing me Munich. It was really nice. I like munich actually, but not the munich-police. thank you also for the stereo. havnt opened it yet. will open it tomorrow. take care and have a good night!

/ghazal

......................................................................

Thank you, Ghazal, for showing me the world with new eyes. It is strange, I"m always talking to much when we are together, as if I would know already everything. But in fact, later on I got the feeling that it was actually me who learnt much more from you.

If we both benefit from the time together, what can be bad about it ?

Sleep well , my dear

Michael

Silent Message

Hi Ghazal,

Why are you so silent ? Are you such busy ? Or have I done something wrong ?

Send a short mail, please, so I know you are alright. Life is too short to be angry for more than 5 minutes, you know.

Have a nice evening, a relaxing night and a bright morning.
Yours Michael

...........................................................................................

Hi Michael,

No im not angry. i say that too, u should be happy cause life is too short.

so everything is fine with me, im just relaxing at home. will try and burn some music and then sleep.

the movie seems really good and sad. know my mum would want to see it, but u said its going only this week right? maybe i ask omid, maybe he wants to see it as well.

have a good night and see you tomorrow.

...........................................................................................

My dear Ghazal,

Sorry for answering too late, you are probably already asleep (it is half one in the morning). Just want to tell you how much I was relieved reading your message. I got so much used to read a few words from you in the evening, that I have problems finding peace if you don"t write.

It"s a nice idea to ask Omid for coming with us to the movies. He is a very educated and open-minded personality, and always thinks much deeper
than the rest of the mankind. I like him a lot, he very much reminds me of student-mates I met when I was at the university. They were from Jordan or from Africa. They were the most intelligent of all of us, they knew the real hard parts of physics (like quantum-mechanics and quantum-chromo-dynamics) from dreams. But on the same time, they had the broadest horizon of other interests, philosophy, psychology, arts, history, politics. It was always a pleasure to spend hours with them, and it never became boring. It always was sport, like exercises for our minds. What was particular amazing, that we had very often completely different views (for instance about the role of Israel, or what we thought should be the relation to girls), but we remained very respectful to each other, we even sort of loved each other (at least this is how I recall it). Omid is this sort of person, whom one always can trust 100%. For instance, if I once would have to leave a beloved girl with somebody to take care of her (((((maybe while I have to go to a conference for a week or into jail again ;-) ha ha ha, don"t worry, Ghazal, nobody will accuse you that your MSc thesis was supervised by a prisoner)))), I think I would ask Omid to look after her.

Sorry, my dear, I hope the incoming mail does not wake you up now that it is already 1 a.m.

Otherways, I hope you have a nice morning and can look forward onto a bright, nice day.

Michael

Driving north

Why was it so much easier to talk, when we were driving in my car north out of town. You seemed relaxed, your smile returned, it was a pleasure driving through the evening sun. For the first time since days you began to tell me something about you, something that was more than pure facts. I so much enjoy listening to your voice, it has a dazzlingly beautiful sound and if you laugh it is like the whisper of a small river running through a mountain plain.
How sad, that I was driving too fast, and that we arrived at your place already after 5 minutes. Is it possible that you lost your spontaneity as soon as I stoped the car and got my hands off the steering wheel ? If it is this what makes you nervous, then maybe we drive next time a bit further, maybe to Ikea where you can have swedish pizza with some extra mouse-sausage on top. I promise I leave my hands on the steering wheel, I would not need pizza in this moment, as long as you will be there to talk with.