The Great Garbo

Hi Ghazal my Dear,

Thanks for your nocturnal e-mail, for every single word. We had a big meeting in the helmholtz-center yesterday night, it was on the occasion of fusing four institutes into a Department of Radiation Research. It was a big reception, but it was very political (what is not my favorite). I came home quite late, and the more I was happy reading your mail.

Recently I thought of you, when I watched an old hollywood-movie, "Anna Karenina" from 1935. It was re-filmed since then many times, but none of the newer versions (like the recent from 1997 featuring Sophie Marceau) came close the early one from 1935 with Greta Garbo (I think it is considered among the top 100 important movies of cinematography). I don"t know if you (after Breakfast at Tiffanys) are willing to watch another old movie, that is even 20 years older.

Greta Garbo (also nicknamed "the great Garbo" or the Divine") reminded me of you, how she arrived in the movie the first time, through the steam of the train. She had the same extraordinary expression in her eyes and her face as you have, a sort of enigmatic aristocracy, as if she came from another world.

What is a funny coincidence: her real maiden name was Gustafsson, so maybe she was a relative to Lars Gustafsson. I think I have to ask him. Or do you think, that Gustafsson is a too common name in Sweden ? But Greta Garbo (former Gustafsson) did not looked typical swedish, for my feeling she looked more oriental or south european. And before going to Hollywood, she lived in Stockholm.

I hope you don"t mind that again I tell you things you have not asked me about. I hope you are well up, that you fill your days with pleasure and your nights with exciting dreams.

TAKE CARE

Michael

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dear michael,

I did not know that Greta Garbo was such an international star. I remember that, quite often when we went to the center of Stockholm with my family, we passed along a little memorial that show a very pale face, and this was commemorating Greta Garbo.

To be honest, I never watched a movie with her, but my parents told me that she was a famous swedish actress of last century. But it was a long time before I was born. And on the memorial plate she looks a bit sad and cold, so I was never tempted to see her acting in a film. But I like the short scene from "Anna Karenina" that you send from youtube, where she arrives by train and suddenly appeares through the steam.

Do you know that, when I arrived the first time in Unterschleissheim by train, and you met me there to help with my luggage, I was feeling the same ?

I had many doubts, I felt lonely and was afraid to be on my own for the next month without my parents. It was good that you came to meet me, not just to carry my suitcases.

Platforms and trains are always the same, does not matter whether in Russia 100 years ago or in Munich in 2010. They all give you this impression of arriving at an unknown, hostile place, but later you stand there again on the same platform and have to leave this place, just when you got comfortable with it.

Hope you have a nice day and night

Take Care

/ghazal

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Ghazal my Dear,

That"s strange: when I watched the movie recently I somehow knew that it was not just Greta Garbos eyes and the expression on her face that reminded me of you. I could not tell where this strong feeling of a deja-vu came from. But now you gave me the solution, Ghazal. It was the very scene when Greta Garbo (aka Anna Karenina) arrives by train and she and Wronskij see each other for the first time, and both are like struck by a lightning.

Now I know it was very much like the day in May when you arrived here, and I was waiting for you on the train station. I probably was shivering, when I saw you leaving the train, whereas Wronsky in the movie, behaving in a typical soldiers manner looked rather frozen like a stone statue.

When you said that you did not felt very confident about the project in Munich and how to live here on your own for 6 month, I tell you one could not recognise these doubts on your face. You looked very aristocratic, as usual, very calm and confident. But only later I understoud how experienced you are in hiding emotions.

Take Care, Ghazal

Michael

full moon and wild geese

hi michael,

I don"t know what was wrong with your sophisticated calculation, but I could not spot any meteor this time ! I went over to Shafa, since her windows faces southward, and it is always fun to be with her and have a chat. So we were sitting in front of her big window, with tea and some sweets, but all we could see was the hugh full moon shining through the clouds. But unlike in August, when we were in the Park in Unterschleissheim to watch the Perseides, this time the sky was almost 100% covered with clouds. So I don"t know, whether we were blinded by the moon, or the stjaernfallen were all obscured by the clouds, anyhow there was nothing that looked like the amazing meteor we saw together in summer.

Have you been more successful ?

Thanks anyhow for the calculation - I have never seen your handwriting before.

take care

/ghazal

PS: I have not jet found sufficient data from the journals to make a firm conclusion about different UVA-repair capacity in different cells of the human body. You asked, why people study UV-repair in lymphocytes, considering they are in their normal physiological situation never exposed to UV-light.

But you should consider, that what we call UV-repair is in fact a DNA-repair mechanism that can process a larger class of damages, not just UV-induced ones. Base damages, nucleotide damages, O6-methyl-guanine and the like are all repaired by the NER- or BER-system that we study after UVA-exposure. And because lymphocytes (as well as other cells of inner organs) can always be affected by those types of DNA-lesions (for instance after free-radicals or just by replication errors), they are probably able to repair UVA-damage es well. The cell, at the end, does not know where the damage comes from (UVA or free-radicals), it just feels the damage and responds to it.

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Hi Ghazal, my Dear,

Yes, you are probably right, I had not considered this before. But I guess at the moment UV-repair is not so important, I mean because there is just no sunshine. At least here in Munich.

Hope it is more pleasant over there in Sweden.

So nice you acknowledged the calculation, although the clouds were not considered therein :-(

But at least the moon was visible from here and from your place, have a look I did a photo of it. And by chance there was a flock of wild geese flying across. Might be they came from Skandinavia, on their way to the south. Maybe you also saw them a couple of days before, while they were just starting their journey in Sweden.

Yesterday I passed along the cafe, where we went in May (think it was the 19th, after you did the test for the german course at the Gasteig evening school). I remember that you had an iced chocolate then, and I had a tea. The waiter was asking you where you came from, and you had to explain him all the details of your odyssee from Stockholm via London to Munich.

Yesterday, there were only a few people sitting inside the place, and all of them looked like regular customers, who use to go there frequently. They all seemed to be very cool, I guess none of them had any reason for an emotional irritation as I had, when I was sitting there with you. When I saw the place again yesterday, it all came back to my mind in a second. I hope you keep the place in good remembrance. I think you should, Ghazal, because at this time in May you perhaps haven"t been very confident about your MSc project yet, and how you will manage it. Maybe you have been afraid that this whole formal genetics would all be too complicate, and it will cause you only lots of stress but no scientific satisfaction. I hope so much, that now, after this half year you can laugh about the doubts you had in May.

Hope everything is o.k. with you, and that you enjoy every day.

TAKE CARE

Michael

A Joint Meteor Party

Hi Ghazal my Dear,

You recently raised the issue of spotting simultaneously the same meteor from your place in Stockholm and from here in Munich.

It appears it is not as simple as you thought, since you cannot compare it with the moon, sun or stars that, if they are high enough always look the same from here and from there. The difference is, that meteors, once we see them glowing, have already entered the upper layer of the earth atmosphere (about 100km altitute). And therefore, it is a matter of whether they are still above the horizon of an observer or below, and this determines if they are visible or not. Trigonometric calculation (see below) shows, that a meteor coming down as far as 1121 km from the location of an observer would still appear above the horizon (and therefore be visible). Munich and Stockholm are exactly 1310 km distant from each other (on a direct line, not motorway, railway or flight), and therefore each meteor coming down halfway between the two would easily be visible (since the distance to each of the two observers would only be 655 km).

And even more, all meteors coming down within a +/- 54 degrees radiant around the direct line could also be visible (i.e. about one quarter of the whole skies circumsphere, what is not too bad). So my suggestion for the Leonides meteor-shower on the 17th of november is: If we two agree on a defined observation time (maybe one hour around midnight), and we both look in the right direction, and there are no clouds, and we are lucky, and we believe in this calculation, and the Leonides shower has not choosen another trajectory this year, and there are now vampires biting us at night, and there are no drunken guys distracting us, and no haloween - kids begging for sweets, and no snowmen melting next to us and and and ....

then we might be really lucky and both spot the same meteor at the same moment. Our wishes, most likely will neutralise each other, I"m sure, so life will carry on.

TAKE CARE, my Dear

Michael

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Hi michael,

So your calculation shows that if I would look southward from here and you would look northward from Munich, we might both spot the same meteor tonight ? Does your calculation also considers by chance the outside temperature ? You can"t expect me to wait outside our house for an hour tonight, since we have already snow here and its freezing cold. And anyhow, even if I would spot a meteor tonight, knowing that the same one is visible from Munich, it would not be as wondeful as at was in August, when we saw the "Stjaernfallen" from the park behind the guesthouse. Then it was warm, a nice summer night, and it was fun to be there together. I think I will skip the meteors tonight. But your calculation should equally hold true for next years Perseides in August, right? But then, who knows, maybe I"m back in Munich, and the distance between us shrinks from 1310 km to just a few cm.

I wish you a pleasant night anyway

Take care

/ghazal

PS: I could stay inside and try to spot some of the meteors tonight through the window, can"t I ?

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Ghazal, my Dear,

Assuming there is a clear sky tonight, you might spot a meteor through the window, why not.

Which side does your window face ? north, south ?

Michael

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Dear michael,

I checked, the window of my room faces north, and our kitchen to the west. What is the best ?

/ghazal

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I guess if you watch through your window northward, you perhaps wont see the meteors, but you have a good chance to see Polar-Light. By the way, since Polar-Light comes also from the upper atmosphere (like the meteors), the calculation is equally valid for them. This means, you might see the same Polar-Light looking northward as an eskimo in Greenland or a reindeer farmer in Lappland.

But they don"t know about you, they have never seen the magic of your blue eyes, my Dear. Maybe for them the polar light is something very common, or even something frightening. And unlike me, they don"t associate it with a particular person, whom they miss a lot who might watch it at the very same moment.

O.k., I have to accept that the Leonides meteor shower is not the most suitable to watch it outside in Sweden, despite all my calculations. However, in case I spot a meteor tonight, I"ll imagine that at least in your dreams you see the same one, and that it takes you on to an angel flight through the night sky.

TAKE CARE, enjoy

Michael

Lang Lebe das Freie Berlin (Lars Gustafsson)

Diesen Montag, genau 2o Jahre nach dem sogenannten Fall der Mauer (oder "Mauersturz" wie es im Schwedischen genannt wird) endet ein ganzes Jahr voller Erinnerungsveranstaltungen, mit extra dafür geschriebenen Büchern, mit Augenzeugeberichten, Ausstellungen und jetzt mit einer Reihe von Konzerten. Und diese Veranstaltungen werden sämtlichst an historischen Orten stattfinden: Auf dem Platz vor dem Reichstag, am Brandeburger Tor und auf dem Potzdamer Platz. Natürlich mit einem Feuerwerk, und mit prominenten Rednern wie Michael Gorbachov und Hans-Dietrich Genscher, mit Rockmusik und der Staatskapelle Berlin unter seinem Dirigenten Daniel Barenboim. Aber es wird auch Veranstaltungen mit einem gewissen Witz geben, wie zum Beispiel eine anderthalb kilometer lange Mauer aus bunten Dominosteinen, die dann ebenfalls umgestossem werden wird, fast so wie es mit der richtigen Berliner Mauer geschah. Das wird voraussichtlich bei allen echten Berlinern grossen Jubel auslösen.

Denkt dann wirklich noch jemand, dass das alte Westberlin irgendwie interessanter war mit seinen Agenten und seinen Künstlern, oder dass die frühere DDR tatsächlich idyllischer und schöner war, mit seinen Plattenbauten und seinen Trabantenstädten ? Gibt es noch jemanden, der sich die Schüsse an der Mauer und versteckte Mikrophone zurück wünscht ?

In den Tagen während dieser Feierlichkeiten wohne ich in einer grosszügigen Etagenwohnung in Schöneberg, deren hohe Räume einen ähnlich hallende Akustik haben wie das Stockwerk, in dem ich nur 500 meter entfernt im November 1972 wohnte. Dort war ich ständig mit Schreiben beschäftigt und dort entstanden meine beiden Bücher "Yllet" und "Sigismund". Der einzige Unterschied ist der grosse Park hier gegenüber, der jetzt in den schönsten Herbstfarben erstrahlt. Und die fast ausserirdische Kälte, nicht zu vergessen.

Dieses Berlin des Jahres 2009 ist eine fast völlig veränderte Stadt. Und von vielen Berlinern hört man, dass sie selber das Gefühl verspüren als wären sie von einer Stadt in eine andere umgezogen, ohne sich selbst wirklich fortbewegt zu haben.

Besucher aus Schweden, die in den70er Jahren aus Ostberlin zurückkehrten, waren oft voller Begeisterung. Egal ob Seeleute oder Kirchen-Mitarbeiter, sie alle brachten scheinbar neue Ideen von dort mit. So übernahmen wir aus Ostberlin zum Beispiel die Idee der "Einheitsschule" (schwedisch "Einhetsskola"). Und vom Theater am Schiffbauerdamm kamen neue Impulse von den Aufführungen der Stücke von Brecht.

Wenn man sich jetzt die Reste der Mauer auf den Zeitungsbildern anschaut, wirkt das ja sehr pitoresque mit all den Graffities, als wäre die Mauer in erster Linie als eine riesige Freifläche für künstlerische Experimente errichtet worden.

Zu leicht vergisst man dabei, dass es hinter der für uns immer bunt bemalten Vorderseite auch eine Rückseite gab, die nur grau war und die zusammen mit einem Mienenstreifen und Selbstschussanlagen eine absolut tödliche Zone darstellte, verziert mit Stacheldraht and Scheinwerfer-Anlagen. Das war die eigentliche Mauer, und diese richtete sich, einmalig in der Welt, nicht gegen eine Bedrohung von Aussen, sondern zielte nach Innen, auf seine eigenen Bewohner.

Die Selbstschuss-Anlagen, wahrscheinlich ein Begriff der wegen seiner

Abstrusität nur in wenige fremde Sprachen übersetzt werden musste, waren geschickt konstruierte Geräte, die an Pfosten entlang des Grenzstreifens angebracht waren und durch elektrische Kontakte ausgelöst auf einen Grenzflüchtlig eine tödliche Salve von Schrottschüssen abgeben konnte. Diese Anlagen arbeiteten nicht nur äusserst "effizient" 24 stunden am Tag ohne erkennbare Ermüdunsgerscheinungen, sondern sie befreiten auch das Grenzpersonal von der unliebsamen Pflicht, selber einem Schiessbefehl Folge leisten zu müssen.

Ich erinnere mich, wie ich eines Morgens irgendwann im November 1972 in der Feiherr-von-Stein Strasse zu Frühstück ein Buch las und miterlebte, wie zwei junge Leute in dem Wasserlauf entlang der Grenze ertranken, nachdem sie auf ihrer Flucht durchs Wasser von tödlichen Schüssen der Grenzer getroffen wurden, und wie die Westberliner Feuerwehr untätig zuschauen musste, weil es ihr nicht erlaubt war, mit dem Schlauchboot auf das Grenzgewässer hinaus zu fahren um die Verletzten zu retten.

Am Grenzübergang Friedrichstrasse gab es immer beleidigende Situationen, wenn die Grenzpolizisten erst unter dem Zug alles mit Spiegeln und Lampen an langen Stäben absuchten um sich dann dem Inneren unserer Koffer zuzuwenden, in denen ja verbotene Bücher wie F.Nietzsche versteckt sein könnten. Mich würde sehr interessieren, wie meine jungen Mitstreiter in der schwedischen Piratenpartei sich wohl damals verhalten hätten.

Nachdem dann diese Mauer gefallen war, kamen viele Geheimnisse ans Licht, die vorher unverständliche Ereignisse plötzlich durchschaubar machten. So weiss man jetzt, dass der Polizist, der den Studenten Benno Ohnesorg während einer Anti-Schah Demonstration erschoss, in Wirklichkeit ein bezahlter Mörder des Ostens war. Westdeutsche Terroristen bekamen Unterstützung von staatlichen Stellen der DDR und Schriftsteller schrieben mehr Spitzelberichte als Belletristik.

Kurz und gut, der Fall der Berliner Mauer war ein gewaltiger Sieg der Freiheit, und wie der Paukenschlag in der Ouverture Leonora 3 zu Beethovens Fidelio, beendete er ein langes und sehr schmerzhaftes Ringen um Selbstbestimmung, das nicht in Deutschland, sondern bereits 10 Jahre früher in Polen, Ungarn und der Tschechoslovakei begonnen hatte.

wenn am Abend des 9. November die grosse Party am Brandenburger Tor beginnt, ist eine endgültige Bewertung dieses Umbruchs aber immer noch schwer zu erhalten. Soll man wie Tenger sagen. "Die Wahrheit setzt sich durch" ? Oder es eher mit Hans Magnus Enzensberger halten und seinem "Der Sozialismus funktioniert nicht. Punkt. Aus." ?

Lars Gustafsson, 09-11-2009, 12:43

(english translation A.F.

german translation M.R.)

Sentenced to death for adultery - the cruel face of iranian justice

Hi Ghazal,

Thanks for writing about the case of Mrs. Sakine Ashtiani in Teheran and the threat of her beeing killed by stoning. I did not knew about her, but what you wrote is shocking. I don"t know what is worth, shooting people at the Berlin Wall or killing an innocent woman by stoning (and having this "officialy" approved by a court sentence). I read that although the original court decision to stone Mrs. Ashtiani has been withdrawn, she still faces death penalty by hanging.

I found a website of an initiative to protest against this injustice, one can click here to sign a petition .

Michael

More information about this case is available in an article of the german newspaper FAZ and in the New York Times.

Meteors and Walls - both fall down in November

Dear Ghazal,

Befor too much time passes away, I further translated the text by Lars Gustafsson (which you brought into English some month ago) and put a german version on my blog. I also send it to Mr. Gustafsson, maybe he uses it further. Do you also want your english version have it published ? The reason I did it today was that in a few days will be the 21st anniversary of the Fall of the Berlin Wall.

Ghazal, my Dear, I suspect you are not too much involved in these political events. Thats fine, I understand this.
If possible, one should try to use this precious lifetime for creative things, rather than to fight against walls or against political unjustice. Unfortunately, too often the political circumstances dont allow us to live in peace, and one is reminded on the poem by B Brecht:
WHAT AWFUL TIMES I AM LIVING IN,
WHEN TALKING ABOUT TREES IS ALMOST IMMORAL
BECAUSE IT IMPLIES NEGLECTING SO MANY CRIMES.
(B.Brecht: An die Nachgeborenen)

Hope you are fine, and happy and in a sort of harmony with the world and your life.
In case not, maybe you can dream of it, and this can help to make it come true.

Sleep well, Take Care,
Michael.

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Hi michael,

I did not know so much about the Berlin Wall and what happend there, I think I was much too young when this was an issue. You are right, I am probably not very interested in politics, think that there are more crucial problems in my life. But maybe it is because here in Sweden there was never a lot of political fight. Therefore, it is only when I hear some news from other countries that suddenly can make me very angry, and then I would like to fight against injustice.

Maybe you heard about a case in Iran, that a woman, Sakine Ashtiani has been sentenced to death by stoning for alleged adultery. I was crying when I read this. I am probably very emotional in this case, since I know some of my relatives are living there and also I love the home country of my family a lot, for its people, its great cultural heritage and so on. And the more I got angry when I hear that an inhuman gouvernment in Teheran can keep people in custody, tortures them, kills them.

And yes, you are right, that when we hear about political crime or injustice, we can"t enjoy any more the nice things in life. For instance something very basic, but amazing like a meteor shower that is expected next week. I doubt it will be as impressive as the one we saw on August 24th in the park behind the Guesthouse, but who knows.
The Stjaernfallen expected in the night from 17th to 18th of November belongs to the Leoniden.

I"ll try to watch them in the night of the 17th, and in case you also go out, we may even spot the same meteors. Or do you think that I might see some here in Stockholm, and you see different ones from Munich? They should be the same, for my feeling. I mean we also see the same stars and moon and sun, why should we see different meteors then ?

For tonight, TAKE CARE
Ghazal

The scale of relaxation

Hi Ghazal my Dear,

Thanks a lot for writing and for keeping me up-to-date about your progress in relaxing. Do you have like a scale of relaxation ? Like starting at October 27 (after your exam) with 0%, and now already reaching 95% to finally come close to 100% at the end of the year (and then stay on this level for long time) ?
You would deserve this, Ghazal, thats for sure. You have been working hard enough the whole summer through.

For me its almost the other way around: For me summer was very relaxing, but also exciting and thrilling. And I still profit from these few month. And now its more business as usual, without the regular after-work visits with you, to restaurants, shops, funny places.

Next year we will have an important evaluation of our institute, therefore we have to publish as much as possible in short time. Its a very political thing, though. For me science was always something with a metaphysical value, something that other people (who are religious) would consider a dialogue with god. For me it is a dialogue with the nature, but for sure nothing that beaurocrats should get involved in.

I miss a lot the conversation with you, although you have never been very strong or undisputabel with what you said. Sometimes there were more statements visible in your eyes than outspoken in your words. Now this silent way of communication is not working any more, I have no clue about what you think when you read my mail. Since I can"t see your eyes, it could be that you got bored about my messages, maybe you think its rediculous or just stupid what I tell you.

On 30-10-2010 11:47, Ghazal F wrote:
> Hi Michael,
> Oh, 18 degrees in Munich is warm. here its cold.
> enjoy the warm days then.

Yes, but as expected: It was the last day yesterday with warm weather, last day to go out swimming. Today grey autumn has conquered southern germany.

> Yes I forgot to remove the data and photos from the computer,
> didnt know that I have to. So you can delete everything.
> I dont need it. I have all the important things. Thank you.

O.k., I deleted all data and files from the network drive,
after saving it locally. From the images, I only keep two.
hope you don"t mind.

> Yes I have been to movies, I saw "the other guys", "saw 3"
> and "social networking". They were good.

I had a look at the trailer of "Saw 3D". Was as shocked as before recognising that you enjoy such violent movies. "Social Networking" I"d like to see, from a psychological interest in people and what drive them. The movie "No one knows about persian cats" is still not on the screen in Munich. They obviously missed it, its a shame. One probably has to get it on DVD.

> take care

I"ll do my best.

> /ghazal

TAKE CARE, Ghazal
Michael

Baby you can drive my 007 Aston Martin

Hi Michael,

I came home yesterday, at night. Everything went good and I passed. I think the half-moon brought me luck. Thank you for all your help. I dont think anyone understood my project really, only one professor was asking me questions, but it was only some questions about the graphs.

Hope everything is fine with you.

take care
/ghazal

PS: At the end I"d like to tell you something funny: Do you know that right during my exam at UCL a few miles further south the road, at Battersea Park (must have been the area where you lived between 1993 and 1995) the real James Bond 007 Aston Martin car was auctioneered, and it "went over the counter" for 2.6 Mill. Pound. Some scenes from the original movie are here. And the most impressive intro with the title song by Shirley Bassey. Don"t know if you like this.
What I just found funny was the idea, that - while I was struggeling at UCL through the exam - you went to the auction at Battersea Park to bet for this car (I know your crazy love for exquisit vehicles ;-}

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Ghazal my Dear,

I can"t tell how happy I was hearing from you. How do you feel now, after having passed this important step on your professional path ? Do you feel relieved now, or rather exhausted ? Do you want me to update your homepage, stating that you now completed your MSc successfully ?
What are your next plans ? If you start to feel homesick for Munich, the guesthouse and who knows what else: Just take the next flight that brings you here.

Its very sunny those days, cold in the morning but usually gets quite warm during the day. Occasionally, I still go swimming in the lake after work. This morning I met your horse, but I think it did not saw me because of the mist.

I"m fine, more or less. Usually, when I got a mail from you and you ask about this I immediately feel alright. It is just the days when I don"t hear from you that make me become despair. Have not yet found a remedy for this.
What is realy a big, big relieve for me: That I don"t have this feeling of guilt anymore for illegally mixing personal feelings and professional relations, and that you might feel obliged to write or meet me only because you worry about the progress of your thesis. Its good that this is not an issue any more, that you passed your exam with glamour and you are now a fresh Master-of-Science. And I know that if you send me a mail now than this will only be because you like to do so and not because you think you have to please your supervisor. About this I am so happy, Ghazal.
It is a pitty that I missed the Battersea Car Auction, since I like James Bond a lot. But it is not just for the exquisit cars that he used to drive, but I admire the whole character of 007 and how he is placed in the system a lot. He represents a sort of prototype british hero: not ranking at the top of the hirarchie (like all the clerks of Q and M and the directors and minister and the prime-minister in their offices), 007 is the out-door hero, the one doing the field work. But at the end it is him who deserves our sympathy, who is the funny one and whom the girls like most for his smartnes and his humor and his dirty elegance.

Rose Blossom

Ghazal, my Dear,

You may have not recognized yourself how happy you were looking today. With every single detail of your thesis that you corrected and improved, with every minor spelling mistake or format problem that you could eliminate, your relaxed smile that was rarely visible during the last weeks returned step by step.
It seemed as if a rose that was left dry for days and suffered from drought, was given fresh water and re-opened its blossoms again.
And immediately it released its tantalising scent that was kept hidden behind its grey soft leaves.
I hope so much your happiness lasts for ever, not only untill you see your parents on Wednesday but maybe even untill you return to Munich.

Enjoy the evening, the night, the quiescence or the music, be careful with your blossom leaves, so they don"t brake under the pillow.

Michael

PS: About the movie "The Town", Ghazal: don"t think that I have disclosed any detail of the plot. I just told you it has an happy-end. But the happy-end comes in a complete unexpected (and maybe even un-believable) move. Maybe you prefer to use now the probability terms and call such an unexpected event "against all odds". I don"t think that I have told you too much to spoil the excitement. It is a great movie, it is a crime story I like, its very masculine in healthy way: it is about gaining for wealth, fighting for freedom from poverty and about the an eternal dream to leave behind the misery. The violence done by the gang during their bank robberies is never an aim, it is something that the system and the society are producing by keeping the majority of people in poverty.
At the end, when all the violence finishes, the love between the two main characters survives.
What is bad about this ? We always dream that this will happen, don"t we ?

Discovery of a habitable planet (also for horses ?)

Ghazal, my Dear,

What a funny coincidence that today, just a couple of days after you speculated about finding a house for us on the moon astronomers from Carnegie Institution for Science in Washington, D.C announced the discovery of the first extra-terrestrial habitable planet in the universe. For sure, the moon is much closer to the earth, to your family and friends, and you probably can even spot Sweden from there if it is "Full-Earth". According to the U.S. astronomers, however, the living conditions on "Gliese 581g" as the planet was named, should be much more convenient than the surface of the moon. O.k., I have to admit, you have to spend more for transportation (Gliese 581g is about 20 light-years or 190 billion km away from europe, moon "only" 380 000 km), but I would be ready to spend some extra money for the flight tickets, but have a nice environment instead (like on earth, the value of a property mainly depends on the three factors "location, location and location"). Talking about the living conditions there, of course one cannot expect exactly the same as on earth, but I guess we could easily accomodate to them. For instance, the seasonal year is only 37 days long (whether there ARE seasons like summer and winter here on earth is not known yet). There are, however day and night, that"s for sure. And the day-and-night rhythm seems to be much more human (first estimate is between 25 and 35 hours) than what you have in northern Sweden with their 180 days polar-day followed by another 185 days darkness.
There is one problem, and thats the mass of Gliese 581g: Since it is about 3 times heavier than the earth, physics unavoidably will give everything there a 3 fold higher weight. So the first weeks up there would be quite exhausting, walking, standing or dancing will be a tough physical exercise, untill our skelleton, joints and muscle strengthen and got used to carry this extra weight. The good thing and the best way to get around this stressful gravitational stress is the existence of water up there on Gliese 581g. Calculations show that there will be plenty of lakes, oceans and beaches, and the water should be crispy and cristal-clear. There just was no messy industry or agriculture or human sewage to spoil the water). And swimming, you should know, we would not feel our extra weight any more because of the (hydrostatic principle discovered by Archimedes).
Anyhow, whether you believe him or not and whether you like spending most of your day in the water, it is good that neither you nor me have any weight problems here on earth. This is for sure a good pre-condition to relocate to Gliese 581g, and maybe they even want to see a health-certificate for this when you ask for entry visa up there.

Hope you sleep well, and maybe in your dream discover some extra "must-sees" on this planet.

Take Care,

Michael

PS: You don"t have to prepare you luggage right now. And for sure: You first have to finish your MSc project and got the degree, because this improves your chances to make a scientific career on "Gliese 581g".

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hi michael,

what ???? I don"t wanna go to this extra-terrestrial planet ! I just made up my mind, and after struggling with myself again and again and weighing every pro and con, and talking with my family in Sweden I declined to consider a future here in Munich. Thats 980 km away from Stockholm, and I wont accept any further distance. Not the moon ("only" 380 000 km ha, ha, ha) let alone a planet that is so far away, that even the light needs 20 years to reach stockholm. So then, everything the U.S. astronomers discovered now only shows how this planet was 20 years ago. Things can change so rapidly, michael, just have a look on our earth and ourself: 20 years ago we didn"t had mobile phones, but instead Freddy Mercury and Frank Zappa were still alive. You have been in east-berlin working in the station-bistro and I was a 4-year old baby-girl carried around europe on the arms of my beloved parents. How can we be sure that during the last 20 years no massive industrialisation started on this strange planet, or that global cooling down turn all the lakes and oceans into ice-skating courses ? Thats my last word. This planet is not an option for me.
And by the way, I came along this marvellous horse range this morning, on my way to the lab. It was a mystic scenery, how the horse appeared slowly from the morning mist..
When I was a kid, my dad used to read me persian fairytales, in which a white camel played a role, because it rescued Zartusht (or Zaratustra as you call him) from the deluge. I think you mentioned this legend also on your blog entry form July 16th. I fell in love with this camel, and the horses I met this morning reminded me of it. I think their physical strength and mental calmness are similar, and that makes both of them good companions to men. There was a display on the horse farm, and as much as I understoud german, they offered to give you one of the horses for riding out, if you agree to take care of it and clean it and feed it, it wont even cost a lot. So this, I have to admit, was one reason for me to consider staying in Munich.
I doubt that there will be horses on this far planet, therefore I also don"t want to go there.


Hope you understand my concern, michael.

Have a good night, and good dreams.

/ghazal

Here you go again

Ghazal my Dear,

Before you escape into dreams, give your ears (and your soul) something extra to enjoy (It is not a lullaby, though):

Now here you go again
You say, you want your freedom,
Well, who am I to keep you down ?
It"s only right that you should
Play the way you feel it,
But listen carefully to the sound of your loneliness
Like a heartbeat drives you mad,
In the stillness of remembering what you had,
and what you lost.

Sleep well, Take Care, Michael

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hello michael,

thanks a lot for the link to this nice song. Although I have to admit the lyrics are tough, can"t imagine that this beautiful woman Stevie Nicks wrote and performed this song, that has so firm statements about staying and leaving. The last words :
"Like a heartbeat drives you mad,
In the stillness of remembering what you had,
and what you lost" . I understand this well enough. Sometimes you loose things or people or even yourself, sometimes you are happy and find them again. Sometimes even a stranger finds them and brings them back to you, and brings even something extra for you (like when you brought back the bike that had been stolen, and you had filled the luggage rack with flowers. This was so nice, I did not want to bring the flowers to my room, much more liked to keep them on the bike and drive around and show the people.

I found another great song by Stevie Nicks and Fleetwood Mac. Listen to it, and enjoy the evening and the night.

/ghazal

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Hi Ghazal, Are you still awake, or drifted away into dreams guided by Stevie Nicks song about dreams. I think the very special style of Fleetwood Mac has its roots in the almost family style of their band-members. The most visible and hear-able members were Lindsey Buckingham and Stevie Nicks (guitar and vocals), who were a couple, and John and Christie McVie (bass and keyboard), who were married. Mick Fleetwood (drums), who founded the band in 1967 and gave it his name, was the neutral and stabilizing point in this melange full of tension and conflicts. In this sense, Fleetwood Mac was a prototype for Abba. I think the fact that both bands could not leave their very privat feelings off the stage, but brought them to every concert, gave their songs a very authentic style. When they sung about relations, about obsessions or devotions, it sounded not just a live concert, but as if they reflected in their songs emotions in real-time.
There is a nice interview from 2004 with them.

This is perhaps my last message for tonight, sleep well, my dear.

Michael

The excited Explorer

hi michael,
you send yesterday the article from "The Onion" about the first people on the moon. i was very shocked initially by the rude language. i could not believe that an educated person such as you reads and even circulates such a primitive conversation ? But then I reconsidered and tried to understand what the article is mainly about: O.k., it uses a lot of blasphemic words, like you hear on Octoberfest. But when we ignore those, what remains from this conversation of Armstrong and Aldrin during their first walk over the moon is: They were just emotionally overwhelmed. And there is absolutely nothing bad about this, in opposite: I find it bad if somebody who discovers nature, explores the unknown and steps into a sphere no one else has been before, if he (or she) does not allow any expression of excitement.
Therefore, if Armstrong and Aldrin would have indeed shouted "Fucking Christ, we"re on the bloody Moon", I would 100% feel with them. They were human as we, and why shouldn"t they go absolutely mad walking on the moon, if we are already so much excited just looking on the moon from here.
So who knows, maybe once we discover a gene for a strange disease, we will also shout in the lab "Holy shit, I found this fucking mutation".

Enjoy the evenig, sleep well
/ghazal

Moon is back (now on Google Moon)

Hi Ghazal my Angel,

A month ago the same moon looked down to us, and for sure could not turn away its eyes from this spot on the Isar river banks, where we were sitting at the bone-fire the whole night through, whispering secrets, feeling the heat of the august sun that was stored in the pebbles on which we layed down. Since then, I call the Isar the Moon river, and every morning I pass the river on my way to the institute, I do a short stop there and slide a flat stone over its surface, as you have shown me to do.
[caption id="attachment_1055" align="aligncenter" width="480" caption="Full Moon 24-09-2010"][/caption]
Now we are a month older, it is already autumn down here, but up on the moon there are no seasons. Unlike our 24 hours day, every spot on the moon has a day as long as 15 days down here, followed by 15 nights in a row. Could you imagine, this would mean exchanging some mails and early night dialoges only ones in month, and then 360 hours long darkness.
Maybe you recognized that I could finally revert to you real name. I had to hide it for two month to protect your privacy from the nosy Google-machine, which somehow disclosed your real name and linked it to the blog. Therefore I used another pseudonym in the blog, which had only slight resemblence to "Ghazal". It sounded similar, but looked quite different, and Google still does not recognize similarities by sound. But I"m sure, there soon will be a Google-Sound search machine, and this one will find out that "Azal", the pseudonyme that I used for two month, sounds very similar to your real name "Ghazal".

Are you o.k. ? Are you still studying so late at night ? Don"t miss your dreams, some actors therein might desperately wait for the main character, the blue-eyed persian cat.

Sleep well, Take Care

Michael

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hi michael,

I dont know if it was the picture of the moon you send in the evening, or my fear to meet some strange people in my dreams: either of the two did not let me sleep. but didn"t you once said that the full moon itself can also directly interfere with my emotions. maybe it is this what happend. finally, I went out for a walk over the fields behind the guesthouse, I think it was already 6.30 a.m. could see the moon, but not a house there ;-). I did a photo of it, have a look. If you find a house on it, show it to me. Does it mean you"d like to send me to the moon to live there ?
Have a nice day (I may come a bit later to the lab today, hope thats alright).
Take Care, michael
/ghazal

PS: If you click on the photo, there is a nice song about the moon. I only know its by Pearl Jam, don"t know the title.


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Hi Ghazal my Dear,

You came here on your angel journey half a year ago, arriving from somewhere far away. How could I ever send you back alone ? If, however you would suggest to take me with you somewhere in the universe, I would get my luggage ready today. A nice house on the moon could be a first step.
By the way, the moon is not only fascinating by its yet poorly understoud influence on females psyche but can make man equally crazy. Have a look at this alternative record of what the first astronauts said when they put their feets there.

Enjoy the day, recover from the sleepless night,
I"ll tell everybody you work on your thesis.

TaKe CaRe
Michael

Our short and precious life

Hi Ghazal, my Dear,

Don"t want to disturbe you, my Dear, I guess you are busy.
You said on our way to the guesthouse, that you were not satisfied with your results today, and that mine were looking better. This, Ghazal was a sheer chance event. What is important, that on the long run we are doing well together.
You are very self critical. You worked over weeks quietly and absolutely perfect, and now there was only a single day with some sub-optimal results, therefore you should not fall into despair.
It was perhaps a bad idea to do RNA extraction with the "dirty" method so late at night, long after you left the lab. Too bad, that I only gave you the written protocoll. Would be better to demonstrate you "life" how this works. Otherwise you might think that I perform some woo-doo methods.

Ghazal, you don"t have to kill me. I"ll die anyhow if you leave. I mean if you leave for ever. If we stay in contact, I will be o.k.

Do you have already a plan for the weekend ? I understand you have to work on the thesis. But not 24 hours over 2 days. Let me guide you somewhere to have a break, maybe we find a nice movie or just walk around a bit. I wont distract you from scientific writing a lot. But beeing together for one or two hours I think we both will enjoy.

I probably will fall asleep soon, I"m a bit tired.

But I think of you, as every evening,

Have a nice night with colourful dreams.

Michael

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Thanks for the long evening at KFC, my Angel.
I read the text you gave me and send you my comments tomorrow. Mike A. did not came to the lab.
The quantitative PCR did not worked. I have to do another night-shift. Maybe next week.
Till then I keep the odor of your hair and the tendernes of your shoulder in my memory.
Thanks for everything, for keeping me alive.

Michael

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hi michael,

thank you for correcting my thesis. if you want i can send you it on word? maybe its easier?
i think i want to stay home and study tomorrow. i feel better. we can talk about the project during the week.

hope u have had a good day.

/ghazal

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Ghazal, my Dear,

Yes, please send the text as word-doc.
I am very tired, I contact you tomorrow. We went to an air-show today, south of Munich. Something awfully happened there: two airplanes crashed and one of the pilots died. I was shocked. You feel so awful if you have to watch how somebody dies within a couple of seconds, and you can"t do anything to stop it. If you see something like this in a thriller-movie, you know that in fact it all happened in a film-studio, played by stunt-men who at the end stand up and get their money and go home. But if you see how a real person dies in front of your eyes, it shakes up everything you belief and you trust.
Suddenly you realize how precious our life is, and how short it can be.

Ghazal, my dear, don"t work to hard tonight, go to bed, sleep and relax.
Take Care
Michael

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hi michael,

this sounds really bad. and you saw this, must be very sad. sleep well. i send you the word-document. but dont work too hard with it. try to have a relaxing sunday.

take care

/ghazal

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Hi Ghazal my Dear,

I attache some additions to the results part (see attachement, new things in blue). I re-evaluated the genotype-phenotype relation. There was a mistake before. No it seems on D11Mit318 FVB has a dominant effect reducing uptake and on D13Mit78 JF1 has a dominant effect reducing uptake.

It"s a pitty you don"t wanna be disturbed today, not even for a walk to "air and fresh up your feather" a bit. Please write me some words at least, not just "Thanks".
You know I don"t like this so much, I think that I am much more indept to you, honestly. I gained so much from your presence, you gave me something nobody else can give. In contrast, the scientific help and writing and correcting could have been done by anybody else. O.k., I have to admit I did it with much more passion, because I knew it is for your future. But in theory, any supervisor should have helped you like I did it. Therefor, if you say "Thank you for the text/work/data ..." it too much reminds me that we are still bound by this professional relation, and this one will end soon (which is too bad, but what can I do).

My only hope is that you will do what you promised on Friday, and we will stay in contact (what does it mean "staying in contact": I don"t know). I will see occasional words from you send by e-mail from Sweden, but I wont hear you voice any more or see your eyes or your smile. This will be hard for me.
Do you remember when I wrote you a mail from France "For Ghazal the scientist, and Ghazal the angel"
where I said that we all need something in addition to our scientific projects, that will give us joy and satisfaction when science temporarily is in a crisis. I said that you have your family, persian music and movies, and that I "have you" and books and guitar playing.
Now it appeares to me the other way around, because I will loose you, I have to compensate with my work, I probably will stay in the lab for 16 hours a day, because this blue-eyed, calm, wonderful girl, that during 20 years grew up from a baby on her parents arm to a gifted MSc student is not there any more to go out after work. There will only be this "army" of uniform co-workers, but nobody who "takes my breath away" as she did it.

At least, I will continue to think of you and will try to keep track of your well-beeing and your happiness, as I have done since 20 years.

TAKE CARE

(and in the future, Ghazal my Dear, be aware of elder men, and don"t put a spell on them with your eyes, as you did it on me during the lectures. Once they got caught by you as I got, by your smile and your vitality, your eyes and your hair and your magic walk and all the beauty that is still hidden and that one can only guess, then my Dear, you will have problems getting rid of them ).

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hi michael,

i don´t know what to say. you have been so kind to me from the first day. i will never forget you, your kindness and your passion. i will be your friend forever. i enjoyed our time together too but in my way. You see, we are in different phase of life, you are much more forward and i"m in the beginning, you know what you want in your life but I don´t know, I need to experience a lot of things in my life.

i am deeply sorry if i caused you some sorrow, it wasn"t my intention.
i wish that you understand me a little bit.

One thing is sure that you are my friend and I am going to keep in touch with you, if you want it too of course. Anyway you never know what is going to happen in the future, so chere up and dont loose your joy of life. always be happy as i have seen you always.
I will never forget you as I said before.

Have a very nice late evening. Dream sweet. see you tomorrow

Nocturnal dialog on molecular biology

8:32 p.m.

Ghazal my Dear,
Have a look at the gel. Are you happy with it ?
I promise I did not manipulate anything on it: no make-up, no hair dye, mascara, no plastic surgery. It is real, and therefore it is beautiful (just like you are).
M.
PS: RNA I"ll tell you in a moment. Stay tuned !!!!



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8:44 p.m.

thank you for the gel!!! very kind of you. still the prop1 exon2 JF1 show a lot of bands.and is a bit weak. and the first three bands being prop1 exon1, i see two bands for each sample? or is it the primer dimers? and on the last samples on the first row (being gpx3 exon1), i see many bands or is it good because of the thick band?
on the second row gpx3 exon3- some extra bands as well. or is it okay? so i can use this for the sequencing tomorrow?

i am looking forward to hear about the rna. this is exciting i have to admit!!!

good luck! i will try to look at my thesis now. so i do something useful as well.

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9:48 p.m.

Ghazal, my Dear

So happy to have brain RNA now (one JF1 one FVB, each high concentration).
So sad to sit here alone. Nobody to celebrate with. Its boring alone, even the results are o.k.


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9:54 p.m.

michael!!!! yey!!! looks really good! im happy too! you did a great job!! so are we going to kill more mice? and then do the extracation of RNA your way?

thank you michael, for putting so much time and energy for this project.

you should go home and get some rest.

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10:06 p.m.
Ghazal dear,

On 15.09.2010 21:54, Ghazal F wrote:
> michael!!!! yey!!! looks really good! im happy too! you did a great job!! so are we going to kill more mice?

I already have thyroids from two mice each strain. I start now with the extraction. Hope of equally good results. Lets see.

> and then do the extracation of RNA your way?

Its not my way. Its the classical way (it stinks, it is more time consuming, but you see at the end works more robust).

>
> thank you michael, for putting so much time and energy for this project.

Its our project. Don"t forget what you put in it: 5 month lonely life , the people you love so far away. Nobody here to kiss you before going to bed.

>
> you should go home and get some rest.

Where is this, home ?

Take Care, my dear (and don"t you walk around on empty streets in the darkness any more).
Ghazal, I got mad if I think that something happens to you. You remember you talked about Sweden and
that raping happens there more often. Thats in fact one of the main reasons I always got a shock when I hear or read that you are going back.

Michael

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10:56 p.m.

> I already have thyroids from two mice each strain. I start now with the
> extraction. Hope of equally good results. Lets see.
michael, we can continue tomorrow?
you are doing too much. i also want to be done with the labwork this week but dont want you to do all this and stay for so long in the lab.


> Where is this, home ?
your home, where your family is and your bed:)


> Take Care, my dear (and don"t you walk around on empty streets in the
> darkness any more). Ghazal, I got mad if I think that something happens to you. You remember
> you talked about Sweden and that raping happens there more often. Thats in fact one of the main
> reasons I always got a shock when I hear or read that you are going back.

i did not walk in the night,. it was light. i am scared to walk alone at night. and yes, i find munich as a safe place. safer than sweden. i need to walk sometimes, instead of taking bike i walk sometimes, its nice. nice feeling when you walk alone with your own thoughts.

hope u are doing well in lab and that u are going home soon...
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10:51 p.m.
On 15.09.2010 21:54, Ghazal F wrote:

> michael!!!! yey!!! looks really good! im happy too! you did a great job!! so are we going to kill more mice?
Who is going to kill mice ? You ? Maybe you first practise this on me. But be aware: You can kill me with your gun, but not the mice. If you hold a gun on me, I wont move away, cause I"ll be struck again by the glance of your eyes. Not so the mice: They can smell the danger and they run away !!

Ghazal, I got the feeling we can speak open to each other, can"t we ?

TAKE CARE

Michael
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10:58 p.m.
noooo i am not killing anyone.
yes we can talk open.. or how do you mean
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11:04 p.m.
Ghazal my Dear,
Just let me start the Reverse Transcription. (I do it in a PCR cycler, can be programmed to do it and after 1 hour cooles down automatically).
Then you have the cDNA tomorrow morning and can start with PCR right away.

On 15.09.2010 22:58, Ghazal F wrote:
> noooo i am not killing anyone.
> yes we can talk open.. or how do you mean

I"ll come around and tell you.

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11:09 p.m.
come around? i will sleep now also my flatmate is sleeping. so see you tomorrow. thank you again for the cdna!!!!
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11:24 p.m.

On 15.09.2010 23:09, Ghazal F wrotei:
> come around? i will sleep now also my flatmate is sleeping.
I"m not going to wake up your flatmate !!
And you said you are going to work on your thesis the whole night through ?
Did the thesis made you already such tired ?

> so see you tomorrow. thank you again for the cdna!!!!
This, of course was very, very open !!!
And this is what I like you for so much.

Then good night, funny dreams, and at least you can imagine that I kissed you before going to bed.

Take Care

Michael
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0:00 a.m.
Ghazal my dear,
Are you really already asleep ? This was a fast thesis writing !!
Hope I haven"t scared you.

Sleep well
Michael
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0:04 a.m.
was trying to sleep. when i saw your email of what you expected of me, to write the thesis, i couldnt sleep. will try to read a bit more now...

good night
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0:11 a.m.

Ghazal my Dear, please no no, shame on me, I didn"t ment it.
You do everything right. The night is yours. You work the whole day already. Please stop to spoil the best hours of the day with the thesis now. Sleep, please.
I"m also almost done. Don"t worry, I won"t pass by. Maybe another time, not today. It would be silly to first drive away, just to come back later.

I like you anyhow. I will always do.

Michael
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0:20 a.m.
if you get hungry i have a sandwich in the fridge.
hope u will be done soon so u can go home..

good night

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0:44 a.m.
Ghazal my Dear,

Sorry for the assumption that you could kill me. Your last e-mail shows how much you care about me.
I found one sandwich. Hope it is the one that you offered: It is brownish, with sliced boiled eggs on it and some letuce, right.

Please tell me it is the right one, it looks delicious.

Something I hope you are delighted (just for your intellectual satisfaction) is the next RNAs: You see they are all above 1µg and ration around 1.8.

If you can"t love him, shot him !

Ghazal my Dear,

Tonight I have something very unusual to tell you. It is so unusual, because it is something commercial, about shopping and beeing happy to have found something very useful.

I know you got excited now, don"t you ?
You can"t stop reading any more, right ?
You wan"t to know what it is, don"t you ?

(You are really sweet !!)

But be aware: it again has something to do with you and me !! (just a little material and technical aspekt in addition to all the happiness that you brought to me by your shear presence).

It is about the little Smartphone-Adapter-Plug that somehow broke
(Could be that it broke because you poked and bended and cut it, since you thought it is a piece of your fingernail ?) It is not so important, how it broke and why, it is just the adapter, its wasn"t the Smartphone"s heart that broke, I know you wouldn"t be able to do this, you are too much an angel to break hearts.

Well, I searched this special Hewlett Packard Smartphone shop today and guess what:
I found the adapter (same colour: black, as you prefer for men. No pink. If there would be a pink one, I would have bought both of them: one for me and a pink one for you in case you need the GPS again).

And what is so amazing (and for this I have to be grateful to you, since I would have never found this):
This little adapter thing comes together with a SOLAR ENERGY RECHARGER !!!!
This means, I can not only mount the Smartphone to the car again, but now I can recharge it in the sun !!!

It will always remind me of this summer 2010, which in my memories will always remain as the most sunniest summer ever.
Although the nights in the moon-light and under the meteor showers and the stars were amazing as well. Who knows, maybe the light of the stars and of the moon is sufficient to recharge the phone with this little crazy adaptor.

Ghazal, my dear, tell me what you need to recharge your life battery !
You are always so calm, sometimes I"d like to make you explode, to beat me in the face, to shout on me, to see you holding a gun on me (of course only with bullets that hurt, but don"t kill), only to see that you are full of energy.

But this probably would change everything, you would not be you anymore, and for me the illusion, that you are the grown up daughter of the persian family that I met 20 years ago in Berlin would fall down in pieces.

Are you o.k., happy (I know, its hard to tell. One always could imagine beeing a little bit happier).
I permanently feel guilty, sometimes feel as if I have taken you as hostage here in Munich, keeping you in this single room in the guesthouse like a nun in an eremitage.
I only feed you with words, but they can not get rid of your loneliness.
At least I should have given you a cat, such one as Holli Golightly had in "Breakfast at Tiffany"s". It could lean on you in the evening, and purr if you crawl its fur. It would jump on you lap, when you watch a movie or listen to some music.


Wish you a pleasant night, funny dreams, sleep well

Michael
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michael,

im glad you found a better adapter for your phone! didnt know that such thing exsist, an adapter that charges the phone with sun. interesting. :)

haha i dont want to hold a gun against you and shoot, i will stay calm.think it is better. dont think my mum thinks im calm at home.

dont worry about me. i enjoy unterschleissheim. the guesthouse. i feel so relaxed and calm when i am here. and i am so happy with everything.
cats are cute, but only when they are babies.

see you tomorrow

/ghazal

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See you tomorrow, my Dear.
Thanks to confirm that you enjoy and relax. Even if you would have told me this already a million times: I"d like to hear it once again !

Sleep well, dream something happy.

Michael

PS: Ghazal, my Dear, Can you imagine the head-lines in the newspaper:
"MSc student shoots down its supervisor". This would make us sooooo famous.




Anyway, have a sweet night, but this time I think I have to take care :-}

A lost key

Hi Ghazal, my Dear,

Did you had a nice day today with Shava ? Please give her my best regards and thanks for the nice evening. If you like, we could meet tomorrow at the Park-Cafe Beergarden (near Karlsplatz). I"ll be there anyhow. If you come, I will have a surprise for both of you. It will be an event I"m sure both of you will enjoy. But it stays a secret.
I hope this makes you so courious that you decide to come along.

Ghazal, you are just wunderful. The city will look very bleak if you leave. Don"t you understand that yesterday evenings illumination around Koenigsplatz was installed only to set you in the right light ?

Send me a message, please.

Take Care Michael
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hi michael,

yes we had a nice day.
i dont think that we will come to the beergarden. but it was very kind of you to ask. think we will be tired in the morning.

but have a nice day tomorrow at the beergarden and tell me about the event later.

have a good night

/ghazal

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Hi Ghazal, Thanks for the message.

I have to accept that you want to relax tomorrow. The alternative event would be the horse-racing tomorrow, which you both might enjoy. And I also wanted to compensate for the invitation to the restaurant yesterday (I dont feel comfortable that Shafa paid for everything herself).
Just in case you change your mind, and want to go to the hippodrome: the first race starts at 1.30 p.m. You can write a mail or SMS any time, and we meet there.

Otherwise, see you on Monday. Please say again thanks to Shafa for the nice evening. She is really a funny person.

Have a good night, sleep well, dream something you always wished to dream about.

Take Care Michael

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hi michael,

hope you are having fun at the beergarten.

yesterday we found a key in the car. could it be yours?

take care

/ghazal

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Hi Ghazal my Dear,

I was at the beergarden, but only for an hour. The jazz-music was a bit disappointing. I think that it was just too early for the musicians. They usually get really good only late at night. I once saw them in a jazz-club, but this was around midnight, and they played amazing.
Today, 10 o"clock in the morning was obviously too ealy for them, was against their natural bio-rhythm. Therefore I think that you did not missed a lot. But I missed you, of course.

You said you found a key in the car. Is it a single one, or a whole bunch ? I don"t miss my bunch of keys.
If it is a single key only: It might be the key to your heart, Ghazal !! Than give it to me, please. I"d like to see if it fits. I was looking for this one since a long time. Would be so nice to find it at the end. Don"t give it away, and don"t give it to somebody else, please. Just make a picture of it and send it to me by mail.

TAKE CARE

Michael

From Cannes to London

Ghazal my Dear,

I was so happy reading your e-mail. Don"t worry about the strange PCR results, we will sort this out next week when I am back. This happens occasionally to everyone, it is not your fault Ghazal, you are working perfect, I know this.
At the moment it is more important to work on the thesis bit by bit. Just try to stay involved in the whole matter mentally.
Don"t worry about me, it is o.k. over here. We visited my wifes aunt today. It was very interesting, she left russia about 25 years ago to live in France, she is a painter and mentally still a very young person. She does not take life easy, she regrets a lot that she never had children and she thinks a lot about life and what is her role. With her you could clearly feel that she did not regret anything she did, but a lot things that she missed.

Ghazal, my dear, did you had time to watch the "Breakfast at Tiffany"s" movie ? If not, would be nice if we can see it together. You know what is very strange :
I promise I have not thought about it before, but the title song of it, "Moon River" for me is an allegory of the Isar river under the moon light, as we have seen it last week. It must have been somehow underconscious that we talked about the movie and that your parents liked it so much before we went to the river to watch the moon.

And what also was a funny co-incidence: that we recently listened to Edit Piafs song "Non, je ne regrette rien" and both found that apart from the great melody it has also a strong message. And only now I red that this very song was also a central element in the movie Inception (may be you remember, it always was the signal to wake up from the dreams). And by the way, the actress that played in Inception on Leonardo di Caprio"s side was Marion Cotillard, who played Edit Piaf in the Oscar-prize movie "La Vie en Rose". Hopefully, we will find a opportunity to watch the movie. I think you will like it.

I wish you a nice time in London, relax and recover and enjoy the vivid city. Will you take with you the shirt that I gave you ? I think it would suit you very much, they might take you as a french girl visiting London. I rcommend you going to Camden market on Saturday. It is a big bazar of all funny fashion stuff and strange objects. I have not been there for years, very much would like to see the city again. Maybe I really come there to meet you after the exam.


Ghazal my Dear, it is already pretty late, and I guess you are asleep since hours. Anyhow, for the remaining night I wish you relaxing dreams and a happy morning.

TAKE CARE

Michael

PS: If you can, please write me some words from London.
................................................................................................

Hi Ghazal, my Dear,

Did you arrived well in London ? I hope you enjoy every moment and have a good time. How is the value of the British Pound these days? Half a year ago it was almost equal to the Euro, but now I read it is rising again.

If you are looking for a spot where to rest for a while and recover and hear some music free-of-charge, try the Royal Festival Hall at the Southbank Centre. You get there from Charing Cross (or Embankment) Station, which is quite central. From there you take a pedestrian bridge over the river Thames, that brings you right to the big Southbank Centre. It is very relaxed there, plenty of space to escape bad weather, music, exhibitions, usually everything fro free.
But as much as I know you, you prefer to visit Harod"s, Selfridges, Harvey Nichols and the like every minute you have there.

Hope everything is o.k. over there.

Hope to see you soon, my Dear. I miss you, but this you know already.

Michael

Non, je ne regrette rien

Ghazal my Dear,

Do you think my french is o.k. for a week ? "Au Revoir", please tell me what it means. Is it like the german "Auf Wiedersehen" or like the english "Farewell" ? You probably know, cause you are the expert !

And of course I also like "Je ne regrette rien".

I doubt that the Cote de Azur will be as nice as the Isar-River banks with you in the Moon-Light.

TAKE CARE, my Dear

Michael
................................................................................................
hi michael,

yes, au revoir means Auf wiedersehen. hope you will have a great time there. and that the weather is good. good that you were able to save everything from your computer. even though 99% of it is useless. but it is good to save them maybe?

you still write on the blog? or just putting the emails there?

i want to continue with my thesis now. hope i will get something done.

yes i sometimes wonder, where my scientific carrier will lead.. how far will i get. and if i will continue as a scientist all my life..i hope so..but who knows.

take care

/ghazal
...............................................................................................

Ghazal my Dear,

we made a stop in Italy in a small town called San Giovanni.
Very tired. Hope you are o.k. and had a good day.

Have a quiet night and sleep well.

TAKE CARE
Michael
...............................................................................................

Hello Ghazal,

Hope you are doing well, hope everything is fine at work. I guess you are quite busy doing and analyzing the new sequences together with C.
I put two short chapters on Iodine and childhood thyroid cancer on your desk (Friday night,before I left). They are from the 2005 BEIR report (this is the commission on "Biological Effects of Ionizing Radiation" of the US National Research Council). Therefore, this is very condensed but high quality information. I am currently writing something for you about the synteny analysis of mouse and human genome (what I showed you last week, how the mouse loci correspond to the human ones for the FNMTC susceptibility).

Ghazal,my Dear, stay strong, send me something if you think I can help or contribute.

Michael
................................................................................................

Hi michael,

yes i miss my home, and famliy so so so much. cant believe i have been away for so long. yes when we do something fun then i forget about that for a while. but its not much left. i will be home soon.

its is sooo empty here. i havent seen c. and o. is sick so she is not here. so i could not get any RNA. i have started with the sequencing of the last gene (prop1). the other gene (gpx3) is already done, but we forgot to take it to the GAC. So I will hopefully take them both to GAC with claudia when she arrives this week.
The genotyping for the new-DNA is on the gel-electrophoresis. so if I get good pictures of it I should be done with the genotyping.
only remains the quantitative analysis (which I will wait to do next week when you are back right?)
and the qualitative which you already gave me the protocol for. But there is a question, why do I use the Balb/c and CBA embryo cDNA? shouldnt i use cDNA from the thyroid of JF1 and FVB?

then the writing. i have been writing. the part of genetic mapping, chi2-test and QTL, selection of the markers and the sensitivity of the mice that you wrote for me, should I change that? Or i can leave it as it is and find good references for them?

sorry for all the questions. but need to know..

soooo bad that its not nice there. i thought it is nice over there, near canne. well, its an experience as well. so try to have fun! so you cant reach the sea at all? no beach?

take care
/Ghazal
................................................................................................

hi michael,

he came at last, T. he wanted a print out of my thesis. but i said that its messy right now and so. so he just sat by the computer and we went through it. i think he liked it. but he told me to write about hyperthyroidism, and not only about cancer. he said a bit about marshall islands. that they really could not see any higher thyroid cancer among children because of the lack of time, that they were not allowed to continue. but they saw that children had higher risk. and there was a lot of radioiodine there.
anyway.. he asked about my project in sweden.. he did not seem interested. he said this project is better for me. genetics is better. but i want to go back and have good project. dont know why UV is not interesting.

well. have a good time.

and take care
/Ghazal
................................................................................................


Ghazal my Dear,

Thanks a lot for writing, it is good for me to read that you are doing well. It makes me the time away from Munich a little bit easier.
I attache a little bit text and a figure to explaine the concept of synteny analysis (relation between the mouse loci you found by QTL mapping and possible human loci that have to do with thyroid disease susceptibility).

Here the answers to your questions:
1: The qualitative analysis of the candidate gene trasncripts: ".....why do I use the Balb/c and CBA embryo cDNA? shouldnt i use cDNA from the thyroid of JF1 and FVB?"
Yes, of course, at the end you have to do the experiment on the FVB and JF1 thyroid cDNA. The embryo BALB and CBA was just to establish the assay (to check, of the two cDNA primers with the PCR conditions give the expected specific PCR product.

2: "....then the writing. i have been writing. the part of genetic mapping, chi2-test and QTL, selection of the markers and the sensitivity of the mice that you wrote for me, should I change that? Or i can leave it as it is and find good references for them? "
I would not take the text modules from me without any modifications. They should just give you an idea what should be the content and how much is neccessary. But I advice you to express it with your own words. It is much better for you also to learn and fully understand the stuff for the waiver in October.

Is it right that there is frost in germany ? Somebody from the hotel told me it is snowing. Unbelieveable, isn"t it. This makes me even more happy that always when we went out together in Munich, it was always nice and sunny (if the sun wasn"t shining, than the stars were out or the moon). I hope the september will be like this.

Ghazal, my Dear, I"ll write something in the evening, first wanted to send you the stuff for the thesis in case you are still at work.

TAKE CARE

Michael

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Hi Ghazal my Dear,

No, it is probably not right to say that it"s not nice hear. I"m just not in the mood at the moment to enjoy the Cote d"Azur.
The thing is, that how much one likes a city or a place depends so much on its personal situation. If one feels o.k. and happy,
than even the smallest hotel in the a dirty village might seem like heaven. And in contrast, if one does not feel comfortable, than even paradise island can be a nightmare.
In fact, I only came here to ensure my family some happy holidays, because my wife wished for a long time to visit her relatives and my son needs some relaxing days before school starts again.
For myself, however, it is not really relaxing. But as I said, it has mainly to do with me not wishing to leave munich right now, than with the place here.
The few details here that I criticised (the beach that can be reached only by passing a railway-line and a motorway or the heavy traffic around the hotel) are perhaps realy minor things. I usually would not notice them at all.
But in fact, I am comparing everything with the marvellous time you and me spend together sitting on the Isar river-side. This was for me like heaven on earth, like many other days I had the pleasure to discover with you some places in and around munich.
I recall these moments as if my eyes opened into a completely new world, or as if the world that I have known before was shining in a different light, maybe in a different wavelength as before, or just clearer and with more details.
I think I probably would have not noticed a single meteor this year if you would not have come to munich, because I usually forget the date in August. This year was completely different, I was waiting for the 12th of august impatiently, because I knew that perhaps it wont happen again (and perhaps has never happened to anybody before me) that you are waiting to spot "falling stars" in the company of an angel that has also fallen down from heaven to earth (just a couple of month earlier).

Ghazal, it might be that you laugh on me (and perhaps others who hear about this would also be very confused or amused), but I never thought before that at the end of the 4th decade of life I can be completely shaken up emotionally by a MSc student, who is in fact shy and calm and keeps a lot of mysteries hidden.

I hope I have not confused you too much, but as Edith Piaf has expressed it "Non, je ne regrette rien". But there is also the danger, that one never in life tries something risky and new and potentially revolutionary, if one always says "not doing anything I might later regrett". I am absolutely confident that I did right and will always do right trying to seduce you and to be more than just the supervisor. It could have been also very painful for me, you might have complaint at Prof. T. or at the personal department or at UCL about me, but I would not care about this. For me everthing was allright as it was and as it is, it was marvellous and it makes me happy.

Ghazal, my Dear, I hope you are relaxed these days, you sleep quiet and have nice dreams.
I miss you.

Take Care

Michael

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hi michael!!!

how are you?? try to enjooooy, i didnt want to make you feel like this. that you dont enjoy france and just want to come back to munich. what are you up to over there?
i would not complain to T. or anyone. i am enjoying my time here. and you have showed me alot of munich and helped me so much and made time and my project more fun.

im not happy right now! nothing seems to work in the lab:( this whole week i have tried and tried to do pcrs for different things. its just strange results. so i feel bad about it.. but will try again tomorrow.

i am going to london tomorrow night. when i come back my fathers wife will come and stay with me for a couple of days.

take care michael

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For Ghazal, the Scientist and for Ghazal, the Angel

Ghazal my Dear,

Are you still awake ? Do you have another conflict with some insects ?
I"ll drive by the guesthouse, and if there is still light behind your window, I call from downstairs. If not, I"ll go back.

M.
................................................................................................

Ghazal my Dear,

I wished we could stay there sitting and chatting untill the moon disappears in the morning. O.k., the following day in the lab would be a bit sleepy and dizzy,
but I would be happy. You see you experienced your first night out there in the wild, and no spiders, no bat no vampires or rapists. The world is sometimes much more comfortable and fazinating and lovely than our fears tell us.

Your hair has a tantalising smell. It was most difficult for me to tear away from it.

Have a good night, sleep well, dream about a journey to the moon, but my usuall plea: Please come back.

I like you so much, Ghazal for you stating "I don"t regret anything". If you are still awake, listen please to Edit Piaf.


TAKE CARE

Michael
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Ghazal my Dear, now I try for the third time to write you a mail. Two hours ago, the Helmholtz mail server died, than I started to write the same mail on my privat mail-server, which suddenly also kicked me out and I lost 2 pages of text for you.Therefore, I now send you something short:I had this awfull job in the afternoon and evening to recover all personal date from my broken PC. These data were manuscripts, reports, science reviews, sequences, protocolls, gel-images, fotos of tumor and millions of other stuff I collected from my work during the last 12 years. And what I realized at the end: 99% of it is useless and wont be interesting for anybody any more. Isn"t this frustrating, how much we work what later got lost or what we later don"t want to read any more our self? In contrast to this, each time I read the text of the Persian-Cat blog, it makes me happy and excited and satisfied. As compared to all the million files on my computer disk, the blog is so small in size. But every word, every sentence is great, is relevant, as meaningful. And it will always be like this, I think not only you and me will always like to read this record of a wonderful summer and this funny exhange of thoughts between the two of us. I guess if other people read this, either now or 100 years later, they will also consider this great and important and simply human. Don"t worry, Ghazal, about what I wrote above regarding that work in science, and that it can sometimes appear useless to us. It is just a temporal feeling, and we all live in science for the very few moments when we make a great discovery and are Nobel-award candidates.You are still at the very beginning of your career, and I will do everything to encourage you to carry on. Because scientist can be one of the most satisfying and exciting jobs. But there always might be moments of frustration, and for these it is good if you have other areas of your soul that do not depend so much on how the gouvernment or the society or the boss or your colleagues judge your work, but a field that gives you power and satisfaction by itself. You have your beloved family, your movies and persian music, that will always help you to keep the head above. I "have" you, who just with a few words and a smile can compensate for a lot of hussle here at work (and of course I have other things, like music and books, that also help me to stay alive).What else shall I say?
Be strong, stay as lovely as you are, enjoy every day and every night and meet me at your deams.

Michael